Tuesday, April 10, 2007

My mom

Today was the day 16 years ago that my mom died. Normally I know that it is coming up so I am prepared for it. I end up being melancholy for a few days & get through it. But this year, it blindsided me. I hadn't even thought about it until now even though I knew what day it was.

I was checking a tracking number to see when a factory recieved a package & saw the date & it hit me what today was. I would love to say that every year it gets easier but it doesn't. It's just a different type of feeling every year. Some years are better than others. Last year was hard since I was getting married in a few months. This year not as bad obviously since I didn't think about it until today.

I always wonder what she would think of me today. Would she be happy with the person I am? Would she be proud of me for my accomplishments? Or would she be dissapointed because of the mistakes I've made? Would she like my husband? Would she like what I am doing with my life?

Of course I will never know the answers. I think that is the hardest part. Since I was so young, I will never know what she thought of how I turned out. And she never got a chance to see.

4 comments:

margaret said...

I know what you mean

ellen said...

Your mom would be very proud of the woman you have become. You are smart, beautiful, and you are accomplishing things in life. Don't forget you are still young. And may I add you married a wonderful man with a great family!

Coni Nelson said...

Your mother would be proud of the beautiful, successful woman you have become.

I understand your feeling though - I often think about the last 8 years without my dad and what he would think of how I have handled my life, even if he would like certain movies.

I can tell you though that it is totally normal for these feelings to happen, it just doesn't feel good....... But in a way it is a feeling of respect and rememberance.

Susan said...

Thanks :)

I'm sure that it is harder for you, Coni, since you don't get a opportunity to forget about. Since it is always on the news around that time.